A horrible quote

“What a child doesn’t receive he can seldom later give.”
Ever heard of that quote?
It’s quote of British crime writer Phyllis Dorothy James from her book “Time to be in Earnest: A Fragment of Autobiography”.
Also, it is among my most hated quotes in existence.

This single quote easily leads to a lot of other sayings, all of them actually finding their origin in the UK according to sources.
Most of them able to target orphaned children, but among them also foundlings and institutionalized children.
However, not just quotes, also statistics, even some that directly links to that single quote; one of those says that those who were abandoned by their parents lack the ability of empathy, with a quite large margin of 70% to a massive 98% of abandoned children who should have close to no ability to feel any form of empathy according to researches…
.. people are aware that this means that in Russia, at which there are since the 30th of June 54503 registered children without parental care, there are 53412 children who lack empathy according to those researches, or just 1091 who should be able to feel empathy..?
Of course, this sounds like nonsense, and that is because it is.
In reality, with a little support, I was able to confirm over 1091 children who were able to feel as much empathy as any other child, even though there were other social problems, with an amount of not even 1500 children living in Russia’s children’s homes, as confirmed by specialists.
In this case, that would not even be 30%, making all those researches invalid based on actual factually gathered information…

The above is exactly why I dislike statistics.
Statistics are guesses, in the same way as those current ethnicity DNA tests are, as in this case the only factual way to confirm an actual percentage would be to gather all children and adults who once have been abandoned by their parents, and confirm it for every single person, which would be factually millions of tests.. Just like you would need to truly check up on someone’s past, which is most often impossible, to confirm someone’s ancestry is really the way as supposed by the DNA test.
At which moment I might actually be stopped, as did I really say “adults” as well just now?
Yes, I did, and, no, I didn’t make a mistake there.
As what often is forgotten in these so-called researches is that empathy isn’t something you can just gain, at least, if those active at psychology, especially personology, are still set to the belief that you have a fixed personality…
Meaning that any adult who once was abandoned by their parents should have lacking empathy, right?

Anyhow, to not over-complicate it too much, let’s return back to that quote at the start of this post.
According to it we can’t give what we haven’t received before.
To come back to the connection to abandoned children, and closely related to empathy we find the exact reason why the quote is not true, which is family love.
Any child who has been abandoned soon after birth and has not been adopted for a long time has factually not received familial love, it’s an undeniable fact.
Meaning.. .. ..Yes, that according to that quote, these people couldn’t give familial love to their own children in the future, or at least, “seldom”, so close to never.
Well, let’s just say I am glad to never have said that quote to any of the thousands of people who were once abandoned by their parents who are now parents themselves.

Including myself actually, which is why seeing the quote on Twitter with me added as mention completely pissed me off.
As while I became emancipated earlier this year in Russia for the reasoning of being able to legally volunteer in Moscow-based children’s homes, the combination of cause and solution lead to another cause, temporary legal guardianship, and eventually, full-fledged adoption…
An adoption that technically was not even allowed by the Russian law, although it has been formally approved, which is not that weird actually, as let’s not forget that it happens quite often that the laws of Russia are broken if it is for the benefit of the select few. (Crimea anyone?)
Regardless, let’s just keep it at that if there was any worry that I could not provide him with anything based on my own “lacking” childhood, this controversial decision was never made in Russia, leading to what I have been saying.

Still, let me just put my point in clear words:
Anyone can express any emotion, and anyone can give anything to their children, regardless of the childhood and youth he or she experienced before, with the obvious restriction of having the needs, as you can’t give certain things without having the money, rather obvious.
The only thing that can get in the way is your personality, but let’s be clear, the majority of those active at psychology say that your personality was already technically formed the moment you were born, hence that someone is gay, lesbian, bi and such, and doesn’t become it.
We have conditions that could make things harder which could come later on, like PTSD, but once again, they still surpass that quote…
So, regardless of anything, the only one stopping you from being able to do anything is you, it is not based on whether you experienced something yourself before.


Closing adoption fact:
– Did you know that the USA has factually about 2 times as many adoptable children as Russia? – As stated, there are about 54503 children in Russia currently looking to be adopted, while according to the American government the amount of American adoptable children lies beyond the 100 thousand.

With specials thanks to the Ministry of Education and Science of the Russian Federation for supplying the required information that I needed for this blog post, the help with my recent adoption, the recent follow on Twitter, but most of all the kind and respectful way of helping me during several months already, it’s truly much appreciated.

Blog problems

During the past night my blog was suddenly offline, and boom, this morning suddenly my blog looks different and has a lot of broken parts.

This has happened because of 2 reasons:
The first were problems with the host I used, as most certainly has been noticed the previous 2 weeks my blog was incredibly slow, and eventually as a temporary fix my blog was moved to one of my dedicated servers in combination of using the CDN of CloudFlare, one I always avoid because of the many controversial happenings around this company.
In response to this OVH, which is my host, has done extensive research in what was causing the problems, and eventually has fixed it.
However, during this all WordPress was also updated, which caused another problem, the corruption of the theme I used, as well as the redirection plugin I previously used.
To resolve the last problems the decision was made to do a full clean install of WordPress, and with that a lot of data was lost, as I forgot to make a database backup. (whoops!)
After the fresh install, I have chosen to return to a theme of Swedish Anders Norén, of which I used the theme Lovecraft before the previous corrupt theme.

However, that doesn’t take away that there are some problems remaining, which hopefully will all be fixed in the upcoming days.
Still, one problem will not be as easy, which are the redirection URLs I previously used, henceforth I set up the following page with instruction what to do when noticing a broken URL: http://snowcalmth.com/broken-urls

Anyhow, this all came suddenly, so sorry for any confusion this has caused, and may still cause.
Now I am off to start my day, as I literally am awake for just 10 minutes by now, hence my possibly crappy writing right now.

[Lyrics] Анастасия Чешегорова – Дождь


Vadim skipped the publishing of the lyrics and translation, as translating was not even worth the time to him.
As a simple check using the Google Translate service has shown, he is right when it comes to the translation.
However the lyrics are nowhere available online, so here they are for those who need them.



Дождь, дождь, ты со мною плачь.
Дождь, дождь, я с тобою плачу.
Любовь потекла по венам,
И боль разрывает душу.
Одна стою, стою на краю.
Ты рядом со мной,
Но не мой.

Дождь плачет с неба,
Где бы ты ни был,
Я всегда с тобою.
Дождь плачет с неба,
Где бы ты ни был,
Я всегда с тобою.

Дождь, дождь, не жалей меня.
Дождь, дождь, я устала плакать.
Любовь умерла, не дышит,
Душа никого не слышит.
Одна стою, стою на краю.
Ты рядом со мной,
Но не мой.

Дождь плачет с неба,
Где бы ты ни был,
Я всегда с тобою.
Дождь плачет с неба,
Где бы ты ни был,
Я всегда с тобою.

After 2 years…

2 years ago, I started my own quest, the quest to get every trustworthy organization listed that is supporting disadvantaged children within the area of Ukraine, and as of 2016 also Russia, and more importantly, that have no connection to politics, so not to any government, and neither support any means of political and military activity.
Which is harder than it seems, as when it came to foreign organizations that helped out the area of Ukraine, there were not just hundreds, not even thousands, but tens of thousands organizations that claimed to help the area I was focusing on, and I started to feel disheartened already, as I am not doing this with a dedicated group of people, but completely alone.
And it didn’t stop there, as a question arose when it came to organizations like the “Change One Life Foundation” both in Ukraine and Russia, as both are heavily connected to both local and its country’s governments to do their work, so did they even deserve to get listed..?

The answer to my question was revealed during talks I had with a friend of mine, a retired American veteran, who asked:
“What if you make a list of all charities who claim to support Ukraine and Russia, and state if they are fully trustworthy?”
A possibility, of course, but that left me with the problem of too many organizations regardless, to which he also had the answer:
“You could release the list over time. That way you have time to do your research, but will not be my age when you are able to release it.”
Obvious, I know, but regardless something I forgot to even think about…

So, without further ado, the first version of the list will be available by midnight at: http://snowcalmth.com/charity-list
Every week there will be added at least 1 new organization to this list.
It’s international, so one week there could be an organization that is actually located within either Russia or Ukraine, while other weeks it could be located somewhere else in the world, and sometimes both.
I hope it will help people out who are looking for valid ways to support disadvantaged children within Ukraine and Russia.

The unseen bigger picture

After all the horrible discrimination I have seen at the USA, I wish I could ask one of those people a simple and straightforward question, which is:
“Are you against migrants?”
The reason for that simple question is because the answer quite likely will result in anything meaning “yes”, at which moment a simple fault will show.
As the reality behind the USA is simple, unless your ancestors are native Americans, all Americans are descendants of migrants…
Eventually, the USA is a colonized country, just like all American countries, and people migrated to there to let it become what it is today…

When it comes to me, I don’t need to even think about it, as yes, I am a migrant.
Actually, in a more extreme way than most, as by now I have seen a great deal of the world, and I have lived at many countries, and even today I am no longer living at my home country.
However, there are no problems to me when it comes to this migration, as while I have left my home country Ukraine for Russia, even though it is for special and temporary reasons, it doesn’t change my support towards Ukraine, as my Ukrainian friends know too well of me.
Yet, there are no problems when it comes to Russia either, as, unlike some, I do not go around bashing everything, as my opposition to Russia is clear, it is United Russia, and not Russians themselves.
Simplicity in a way, as there are more than enough Russians who oppose United Russia, as well as there are Ukrainians, who are still supportive to Ukraine, within the borders of Russia.
Apart of just that, I hold citizenship to both countries, passports, and friends.

Though, when I am completely honest, I am moving around the reason why people have true problems about migrants, which is the unknown.
If we look at how I migrated, there is simply nothing to worry about for either side, as while either side could try and deny it, the reality is that Ukraine and Russia share a long history together.
When it comes to other examples, like the Netherlands and Syria, to keep things easy, they don’t have such history, and things are more difficult, hence the Dutch people often being afraid of refugees, eventually, the situation is unknown to them…
Quite possibly that is also actually the reason why the Dutch have stayed safe from the terror attacks that haunted the area in Europe surrounding them, eventually the others, which are Belgium, Germany, France, and the United Kingdom, all have been heavily active in the region of the Middle East and Northern Africa throughout history, while the Dutch have attempted to maintain neutral stances throughout most of their history, and were instead often pulled into situations.
Yet, when I look at what I see at the social media profiles of my Dutch friends, I doubt they are even aware of that, as today the hostility I quite often see coming from this country is frightening to me…

Regardless, when we look through our world’s recent history, the reason for terrorism is actually terror…
Yes, the practice of creating terror is caused by terror itself, which is a reality even less people dare to face.
Quite often it is caused by lacking information, as an example, when we look at the Middle East, a lot of people claim that the Syrian civil war is ongoing longer than the one at Yemen, even though it is more a matter of opinions than anything else, as the current Yemeni situation could be traced back into the 1990s to find its origin, while Bashar al-Assad has only been President of Syria since 2000, which others could once again state about that it started during the time of his father Hafiz al-Assad, at which we could go once again into the Yemeni situation..
Which is exactly my point, as most of us are outsiders looking in, and not those who actually experience what is going on, and because of that we look at more than required.
As another example would be that a lot of people could say that my support to Ukraine is unjustified, while those who would state that would be once again outsiders looking in, as I am certain that those who also have lived at the region of the war would care more about safety for the people who still live there, and returning the peace we did once have there.
Eventually, we could waste our time with every single detail, or we could take a look at the bigger picture, and look for solutions based on that.

Which leads me back to the subject of migrants.
People are scared of refugees, and I do have the ability to understand, but instead of the complaining, it would be easier to look at how the situation could be resolved.
Just think about it, once the situations are resolved at the home country of migrants and refugees, there is no longer an obligation of accepting people, but it actually becomes a choice.
As I didn’t name the USA without a reason, as it might be a good thing for them to notice that refugees flee, they don’t have an actual true choice, and that also goes for most of the EU-countries.
The reality is that a similar situation could one day develop in your countries, the ones who are currently safe, and you will be obligated to seek refugee at our countries, the countries were people are currently fleeing, and just like as the current refugees ask of you now, you would also like to be protected, and not find yourself either in the need of returning to a country were you would likely never survive, if you even are able to return to it alive, or dying in an attempt to find refugee somewhere else…
It’s about time people would open up to it, as that is once again the true big picture, as let’s not forget that even today there are conflicts within the areas were refugees are denied, like the Americas and Europe, and that like at the current conflict zones, it only needs one spark to become a situation that requires fleeing from…
Still, maybe I am just asking people too much, as I guess it is really hard to be open to the reality of what is going on around you, and not just your own little world….