Just accept yourself for who you are

I am a freak, and I am really proud of the fact I am!
It is often used as a word to bully, and if it really is a word used by bullies, I am the one who will be laughing last.
The word freak means nothing else than being different, and I am surely different..

I never have been afraid of saying the words ‘I am different’, it is because I grew up all my life being different.
I am male, I am however anything someone would expect..
I hate being competitive, “male” sports are something I am almost never thinking about, any form of aggression I despise, I am empathetic, compassionate and am an emotional wreck from time to time. My conscience is most likely the part which I have too much of, as lying by me, will be answered by full honesty within 5 seconds, I actually can’t lie without being exposed by myself…

That are however the most general of the gender roles people would think about, and the parts where anyone would dare to be honest about…

I grew up liking things most would describe as likings of females, it is how I am, I actually have a photo of myself in a dress…
YET, I don’t belong in the LGBTI discussion in any way. (I stand against the usage of the word ‘Queer’)
I support the LGBTI movement, while actually having parts standing fully against it at the same time.
The fact is that I am not gay or bi, yet are often labeled this way because I am not the standard boy, and some actions of the LGBTI movement only cause more problems to me…
I fall between 2 parts of society, in the part of society where people are bullied, bullied until someone dies…
The combination of general society and certain parts of the LGBTI movement create the group where I belong to, the ‘freaks’ as I previously already called myself.

The term Queer causes most problems of all, hence me standing against the usage of this word. the LGBTI (Lesbian, Gay, Bi, Transgender, Intersex) words are understandable terms to anyone, Queer ain’t. The fact the Term queer is most often not understanded, I don’t see why the usage of this word remains, at these subjects it is problematic when having a term that not only is unknown to many, but also causing discrimination to happen…
Added 21-05-2016:
I am not against people who are queer, I am only against the term. If I made the impression that this was/is otherwise, my humble apologies!

The choices you have when society doesn’t accept you, is changing, accepting or running away…
I made the choice of running away for a long time, as changing I won’t do, the way I am is the way I will be, accepting is impossible in today’s society…
There are many ways of running away of the truth, the easiest to me was just hiding…
 

I never had a stable living location for most of my life, both my biological mother and father never played any role in my life…
Until the day of today, my biological father is nothing else than my connection to my half-family, nothing more than that, however my biological mother is a different tale.
My biological mother has made go from running away of who I am, to accepting who I am, not by actually learning about who she was, but who I am.
There are parts of life only those with the same blood can tell, most often you will be able to call them family, I don’t have that luxury, or rather I don’t want to call them family…
“You are nothing like you dad”, these words are the reason why I am able to accept myself, be proud of myself and even have accepted my biological mother back in my life.
My biological father was everything I hate, he was everything anyone would expect a male to be, apart of that, he was a Russian moved to Ukraine, supported Russia, an abuser and the part I will always hate most of him, an abandoner.
Most probably I became the way by his acts, as I am a supporter of Ukraine in every way possible, fight abuse and stand for all who abandon their children to be steri… Let me not finish that phrase, still, I would want anyone who leaves their children to not have more children, as I have a huge list of half-brothers and half-sisters and even a full sister and brother, it messes up the ability to ever seeing your biological family as family again, my adoptive family are my only real family to me.

 

In terms of the closest biological family, I would be connected to Poland and Russia, in terms of myself to Ukraine and Germany, adoptive ties it would be Germany, Poland, Serbia, Turkey and Ukraine. My biological father is Russian by birth, I am however Anti-Russia myself, and that is actually quite interesting when looking at the Ukrainian conflict.

By ties, surely I should support Ukraine, it would be strange if I didn’t. It doesn’t however stop there, something even quite some of my family don’t understand, is the FACT the “Save the Donbass Children” is the biggest hoax ever… The moment Donbass would become part of Russia, or even independent, they would lose all Ukrainian laws, in case of independency it doesn’t have to bad, BUT, in case of Russia it would be. Anyone would suggest to look at Turkey when it comes to Human Rights problems, while I personally would look at Russia, which should be more understandable to cause a frown at faces, as they’re a signer of the “European Convention on Human Rights”!

Wait wait wait… Hold on, did I say European?
Surprising to me was when noticing not only this, but the fact they are part of the “Council of Europe”…
A fact is that Russia has many European connections, yet when it comes to Ukraine, anything European is suddenly the worst thing Ukraine could be part of…
Basically, anyone fighting at the side of the separatists, both online and in actual life, are saying “No To Europe”, while Russia surely is saying “Yes to Europe” with these connections, quite the opposite most would suppose.

The 2 faces of Russia are not the only part to worry about, the “Save the Donbass Children” is a hoax like I said, most youth at Russia won’t ever notice the parts any Ukrainian should worry about…
Any orphan at Russia has a crappy youth, it is very known…
Huge death rates, huge abuse rates and massive amounts of Orphans in general, which can’t be easily adopted because of Russia’s own laws…
Any Ukrainian Orphan that would become Russian by the separatism will be forced into a life of destruction, which most won’t survive for long, and that in fact is a fact, not anything like the most probable propaganda spread by Eastern Ukrainian and Kremlin sources, this can be confirmed by even Russian sources themselves…
But, that is in fact not all, the separatist movement has caused economic problems at Russia, which would most probably cause a high poverty rate for anyone living at the Donbass sector if they ever would become Russian citizens, as their separatist movement has caused these problems to happen, and made them very hard to solve, meaning a very low chance ACTUAL / REAL Russian citizens will ever support you(or even will like you), if Donbass would become part of Russia.
And being separate as a country has a 1% success rate, with a 99% chance of continued conflict for many years to come…

That is another part of me, I rather see logic than emotions, which most often is a bad part about someone, yet the true strength behind my own personality.
I am like said someone who rather see logic than emotions, still I am an emotional person nonetheless, but I am also active at causes?
Yes, this is where I have true advantages of my adoptive family..
Like I said my adoptive family ties me to Germany, Poland, Serbia, Turkey and my country of birth, Ukraine…

(Anyone reading my Twitter will notice I am Pro-Turkey, it is surely stronger as I have a Turkish sister, no matter if it is by adoption, family is family. )

Something I did after starting my life again with a new family at Germany, was looking for someone who I could trust, which were my 2 adoptive siblings, who are also from Ukraine originally, as they spoke the same language as me, they were the only ones I could really talk to, apart of my adoptive parents, it caused an instant connection, but also something else…
They saw me as big brother, which probably anyone who is an older sibling will know, caused the feeling of wanting to keep them safe, protected.
This feeling has caused something in my personality I wouldn’t have had if I would have stayed at the orphanage, neither if I would be an only-child.
It caused me wanting to know their emotions, which is hard to me, like many other autistic people will have too, yet I never give up.
It caused my Turkish adoptive sister to mingle in and wanting to help, which equally has translated in understanding about the Islamic believe and the Turkish culture.

(Something I often notice are children of my age who are only-child, so having no siblings, being more socially expressive in most often a bad way, think of bullying as easiest example. It is why a family is important, not just parents.)

 

The only way of being happy is by accepting no one is the same, even when it equals daring calling yourself a freak like me.
When you are able to describe yourself fully in just 1 phrase, it says you are not being you, as no one is describable in 1 phrase, even while you might not notice.
My attempt to do so would look like this:
“Girlish, Empathetic, Compassionate, Emotional, Noncompetitive, Logical, Previously Orphaned 14 year old boy from Ukraine with ties to Turkey, Serbia, Germany, Poland, Russia, living at Germany after adoption.”
And yet it is far for complete, it misses part I didn’t tell at this blogpost obviously, like having an Islamic girlfriend or family at countries like Moldova and Romania, but also parts that only are seen by your eyes and understood by your mind…

That is something you will never be able to understand, unless you dare to accept someone for who he is, which is how someone’s personality is at all moments of time…