One day it is too late…

163474-Never-Judge-Someone
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“Eşti prietenul meu”
“당신의 제 친구입니”
“Είσαι ο φίλος μου”
“Ты – мой друг”
“Jsi můj přítel”


5 phrases, which to most will look totally different, and yet, their meaning are in basics the same.
If I would randomly share this phrase at my social media account, without telling the meaning, I probably would end getting blocked by many…
And yet… What is the actual meaning you may ask?
In basics, all 5 phrases mean “You are my friend”
Simple, easy, friendly, kind and something no one should have any problem with, yet, the way of writing it not in probably Your language, could end up me be blocked…
Crazy, is it not?
And that is just it, people judge very fast, every single one of us…
That means, that I am indeed including myself.

A lot of people are unaware of what they do, and that is just because they do not want to notice their own acts.
That is how I have been a long time, running away of the fact that I am as bad as every single one of us.
In my case it is not something simple even, I always have judged my family to quick and harshly.
Yet by telling this, I probably would get the judgement of others, others who are yet again unaware of their own acts.
And that is what has not empowered us, but put a leash on every single one of us, no exceptions, the fact people always judge.
It is time to break this approved form of stigma, time to break the leash society has upon on us, including me…
As like those who read my Twitter knew, this will be my most personal blog post as of yet!

 


Who are you?
It is a strange question.
We will ask others this very often.
I don’t need a lot of words.
As there is 1 answer.
I am me.


I judge others, and before not long ago I did not actually notice this of myself.. and yet, I changed.
It all changed because of 1 thing, meeting up with 1 person, my only sibling that is fully blood related…
If you never have met me, you should understand I am all but an open person, my blog is far more open as  I am in real life, the exact reason for having this blog.
She pointed my vision to one person in my life that I have judged most of all, my biological father.
I despise him, and if you have read my blog before, you probably are aware of that already, as I am all but hiding this.
The question that I never dared to ask myself was “is it just?”, in basics, I never asked myself if it was correct to judge… As my sister has pointed out to me, that answer is actually “no”.

We all have a vision of our parents, and if you never met, or can’t remember meeting, your actual biological parents, that vision is often not reality.
My vision of my dad has been for years one and the same way, that he is an evil person.
That is how I saw him and nothing ever changed that, instead it got confirmed more, and more, and even more, over the years that have passed.
Because I did not notice, I just judged, formed an opinion, and never understood there were 2 sides…
That is the exact point everyone forgets, there are 2 sides to everything.

While I saw my father as a cruel, disgusting, despicable and basically every other bad word you could think of, he ends up not to be that way, at least not entirely.
In ways he remains evil after what I got to learn, as eventually there is always bad in every one of us, but the only bad is when “we can not see the good side, when we know the bad side…”
That happened for me, but also happens for many others around the whole world.
As what I got of my sister was not that much, yet the most impactful things you could get of your father when you have met him only once…
I got written letters and an USB flash drive…
It may seem strange, written letters and an USB flash drive, so small, yet the most impactful items I ever received of anyone…
Simplicity is something we probably also judge too much about, I suppose…


Life can feel like your gliding on and off rainbows every moment,
Or it can feel like everything around you is burning.
The only importance is what you let it do to your mind and soul.


Most of my siblings, full, half and adoptive, they are female.
If someone does bad to females, and you are one of the few males between these females, it becomes hard to not be influenced.
My dad is one of those examples who does bad to females, and because of that he is a bad man, no one right in his/her mind can ever deny that to me.
He has done bad to my biological mother, to my half-sisters, and their mothers…
After knowing that, I have never been able to see him as anything else anymore.
Until, like I said, my recent meeting with my full-sister.
It is strange what has happened…

Letters written to me, going back far back, dated as far back as when I was just 2 years old…
And an USB flash drive with 1 file, a video.
It is destructive to read letters that in basics did 1 thing, apologize…
Because of just written words, I have trouble writing this blog post, which is once again, written words…
Written words should not mean much, that is said so often, yet, when the time comes that you will read those words, it becomes different.

What he wrote ends up being explainable in short as apologizing for not being able to be there to see me grow up, to learn me what life is about, to never tell that he is proud of me…
And the video was in basics quite similar…
What I learned of those letters, was eventually that he did care for me, even though he was unable to be good to the opposite gender.
Yet, because I have judged him, for years, I made the biggest mistake I probably have made in my life, I never took the one chance I had to learn about who he was…
As in early 2015 I met him, once, and the only thing I did, was judge, be angry and basically hate him…
I always judged him, and never changed, never ever, even though he did mean to do good to me, and I just did not know.
Because I judged, I never gave him the chance to be any part in my life.
He died not long after, still in 2015…


That is what most do not realize..
Eventually, you can have judged someone for too long, that it can be too late.
And the only thing that remains, is that you blame yourself for everything.
I lost a part of my soul, a part of me, as the one who is bad, that is me.
Maybe my judging of him was correct, but the fact I never gave him another change, that is all on me.
I will never be able to turn back time, so I just hope that you are smart enough to not judge, giving others chances,
And understanding that your mistakes are only yours…

“Even the worst person alive, will have a good side…”
– Vadim


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