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The Calmth of the Snow

A horrible quote

“What a child doesn’t receive he can seldom later give.”
Ever heard of that quote?
It’s quote of British crime writer Phyllis Dorothy James from her book “Time to be in Earnest: A Fragment of Autobiography”.
Also, it is among my most hated quotes in existence.

This single quote easily leads to a lot of other sayings, all of them actually finding their origin in the UK according to sources.
Most of them able to target orphaned children, but among them also foundlings and institutionalized children.
However, not just quotes, also statistics, even some that directly links to that single quote; one of those says that those who were abandoned by their parents lack the ability of empathy, with a quite large margin of 70% to a massive 98% of abandoned children who should have close to no ability to feel any form of empathy according to researches…
98%..
.. people are aware that this means that in Russia, at which there are since the 30th of June 54503 registered children without parental care, there are 53412 children who lack empathy according to those researches, or just 1091 who should be able to feel empathy..?
Of course, this sounds like nonsense, and that is because it is.
In reality, with a little support, I was able to confirm over 1091 children who were able to feel as much empathy as any other child, even though there were other social problems, with an amount of not even 1500 children living in Russia’s children’s homes, as confirmed by specialists.
In this case, that would not even be 30%, making all those researches invalid based on actual factually gathered information…

The above is exactly why I dislike statistics.
Statistics are guesses, in the same way as those current ethnicity DNA tests are, as in this case the only factual way to confirm an actual percentage would be to gather all children and adults who once have been abandoned by their parents, and confirm it for every single person, which would be factually millions of tests.. Just like you would need to truly check up on someone’s past, which is most often impossible, to confirm someone’s ancestry is really the way as supposed by the DNA test.
At which moment I might actually be stopped, as did I really say “adults” as well just now?
Yes, I did, and, no, I didn’t make a mistake there.
As what often is forgotten in these so-called researches is that empathy isn’t something you can just gain, at least, if those active at psychology, especially personology, are still set to the belief that you have a fixed personality…
Meaning that any adult who once was abandoned by their parents should have lacking empathy, right?

Anyhow, to not over-complicate it too much, let’s return back to that quote at the start of this post.
According to it we can’t give what we haven’t received before.
To come back to the connection to abandoned children, and closely related to empathy we find the exact reason why the quote is not true, which is family love.
Any child who has been abandoned soon after birth and has not been adopted for a long time has factually not received familial love, it’s an undeniable fact.
Meaning.. .. ..Yes, that according to that quote, these people couldn’t give familial love to their own children in the future, or at least, “seldom”, so close to never.
Well, let’s just say I am glad to never have said that quote to any of the thousands of people who were once abandoned by their parents who are now parents themselves.

Including myself actually, which is why seeing the quote on Twitter with me added as mention completely pissed me off.
As while I became emancipated earlier this year in Russia for the reasoning of being able to legally volunteer in Moscow-based children’s homes, the combination of cause and solution lead to another cause, temporary legal guardianship, and eventually, full-fledged adoption…
An adoption that technically was not even allowed by the Russian law, although it has been formally approved, which is not that weird actually, as let’s not forget that it happens quite often that the laws of Russia are broken if it is for the benefit of the select few. (Crimea anyone?)
Regardless, let’s just keep it at that if there was any worry that I could not provide him with anything based on my own “lacking” childhood, this controversial decision was never made in Russia, leading to what I have been saying.

Still, let me just put my point in clear words:
Anyone can express any emotion, and anyone can give anything to their children, regardless of the childhood and youth he or she experienced before, with the obvious restriction of having the needs, as you can’t give certain things without having the money, rather obvious.
The only thing that can get in the way is your personality, but let’s be clear, the majority of those active at psychology say that your personality was already technically formed the moment you were born, hence that someone is gay, lesbian, bi and such, and doesn’t become it.
We have conditions that could make things harder which could come later on, like PTSD, but once again, they still surpass that quote…
So, regardless of anything, the only one stopping you from being able to do anything is you, it is not based on whether you experienced something yourself before.

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Closing adoption fact:
– Did you know that the USA has factually about 2 times as many adoptable children as Russia? – As stated, there are about 54503 children in Russia currently looking to be adopted, while according to the American government the amount of American adoptable children lies beyond the 100 thousand.

With specials thanks to the Ministry of Education and Science of the Russian Federation for supplying the required information that I needed for this blog post, the help with my recent adoption, the recent follow on Twitter, but most of all the kind and respectful way of helping me during several months already, it’s truly much appreciated.

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