It’s something that has been stuck in my head. A few weeks ago, my siblings and I were playing association football, or just kicking the ball around, in our local park. As we played, a 6-year-old boy approached us shyly. Sensing his interest, we paused to see if he wanted to join. He did, asking us in Russian. Hearing our mix of Polish and Russian, he rightly assumed we could speak the language. We happily welcomed him, and it was undeniably a lot of fun.
Sometime later, the boy’s mom would come and pick the boy up. Not aware of the languages we spoke, she tried speaking to us in English. This would change after the boy spoke out that she could just speak Russian. Surprised, she asked where we were from. The response of my younger brother Ilya that he is from Ukraine was happily responded to. And the response of my siblings Aleksander and Katarzyna that they were from Belarus was responded to with surprise, but not negatively. But then I needed to answer… Yeah, I wish I didn’t need to, but she would likely still have been staring at me right now. So, my response was honest… Russia.
Her face was clear, disgust. As was her other response, as swiftly she needed to go with her son. My siblings were smart enough to still share our details, but it was rather clear that she would be throwing it away as soon as they were at their ‘home.’ After all, they were a new refugee family from Ukraine, so their true home is obviously not here in Poland…
Truth be told, her response is not something new for me. While quite some Ukrainian refugees don’t just judge me and actually try to know me, about 75% doesn’t even try. This while they would become quickly aware of their prejudice. As while I was born in Russia, I don’t have any support to anything Russian. Well, except for my younger biological sister…
After I was adopted by my dad back in 2017, we have stayed the majority of the next few years in 2 countries, which are Germany and Ukraine. During this time, I became aware of a lot of prejudices that exist in Russia about Ukraine, like the whole neo-Nazi claim. In reality, the Ukrainian city where we stayed at, which is Dnipro, had a vibrant and rather large Jewish community, which most likely has been destroyed by Russia due to their invasion. As I got explained by a member of their community, the amount of antisemitism in Ukraine has been a lot less since the fall of the Soviet Union. Yes, it still existed, but according to what I got told, it was more notable in the far-West of Ukraine, in cities like Lviv and Lutsk. In Central and Eastern Ukraine, most antisemitism that remains finds its basis in pro-Soviet and pro-Russian beliefs. Which from my own experience, I can tell is not strange, as antisemitism is undeniably a far greater problem in Russia than it is in Ukraine. After all, I got to see how people treat Jews in both countries.
Beyond that, I don’t have a Russian mindset. By that I mean to say that I actually dare to speak for what I believe and not stay silent. I wasn’t aware of this growing up, but now I live in Poland and interact with people in Russia online, I can’t deny getting really annoyed over it. Russians are very prone to being silent about anything that does not directly involve themselves. So, if I would go out and offend a specific Russian, they would more than likely respond angrily back at me. However, if I would offend a friend of this very same Russian, they would often just stay silent. The claim that Russians are generally apathetic, it’s 100% the truth, although it doesn’t just apply to politics as people claim, it simply applies to everything that is not their own. It’s a true sense of egotism…
This also serves as a distinct way to differentiate between Russians and Ukrainians. When it comes to Ukrainians, they have more of a fighting spirit. This is shown by the defense of their country. However, is also seen at their politics. While you are basically not allowed to say anything bad about Putin to a Russian, the same doesn’t apply to speaking badly about Zelensky to Ukrainians, as even many Ukrainians don’t hold back their negativity about some of the political decisions by their president. This is mostly due to the fact that Ukraine has actual democracy, meaning that there are choices to be made. For anyone not aware, Zelensky is in many ways a syncretist, meaning that he blends both left-wing and right-wing ideology to make his decisions. This is not common, but something that Ukraine does need. Ukraine has long struggled with corruption, so someone who is completely left-wing or completely right-wing wouldn’t truly be able to improve that. And whether Zelensky actually improved and improves things, that is for you to decide. But the fact that Ukrainians openly speak out their opinions, it’s very different to how Russians are.
Now, looking at myself, I always identify myself as Polish. For one, because no Polish person has ever said that I shouldn’t, rather the exact opposite. But also because I don’t think where you’re born should really matter that much, it’s about where you live. And this is also how I get treated by Russian people. I have been attacked many times by Russians on a video game I play due to not having the same harshness as they do. That includes even an Austrian-German woman with Russian ancestry… So positive about Russia, until I ask why she doesn’t return to Russia. There’s always silence in return…
Regardless, a lot of people are not aware of the true me because one of the most standard questions people ask is where someone is from. Even when I would respond ‘Poland,’ the next question is always where I was born. I am not someone who wishes to lie, but the honest response has far too often a bad response. I didn’t choose where I was born, but people too often don’t seem to understand this.
In case of the family of the Ukrainian boy, luckily this did change after the dad came ‘home’ later that day and learned what happened. As during the evening, the family showed up in front of our home, with something that far too often doesn’t happen. I got an apology for the prejudice.
What happened was that when the dad had come home and learned what happened, he had gotten angry. In the dad’s words, I lived in Poland, not Russia. I am just a child, I don’t have anything to do with the invasion, and even have a Ukrainian little brother. If I were like the Russian invaders, things would have been very different.
And he’s right. If I had anything against Ukrainians, I would have done everything to dissolve my adoption. After all, my dad is Ukrainian as well, and it has been nearly 6 years now. The same applies to when my dad wished to adopt my now little brother Anton, who is from Ukraine as well, as my dad asked me my opinion and I was supportive. Similarly as I have been supportive to when my dad asked my opinion about my now little brother Ilya. I love my siblings, including the babies that were born earlier this year. I am well-aware of their origins, it doesn’t matter. If anything, it only increases the bond, as the fact that they accept my regardless of my origin, it’s so rare these days. After all, having a Russian origin is like being the black sheep, like a misunderstood monster.
But the apology was not all, as there was also a sign of trust. There was the question if I was willing to babysit the boy, as well as his older brother and younger sister, the very next day. Which I said okay to, and did. Just like the next day, and the next, and the next… And every single day until today. I basically spent as much time babysitting since then as I have spent with my girlfriend…
And the boy who was so shy just a few weeks ago, now shines bright with a constant smile. Which is even more special when I note what I learned since then of his parents, which is the fact that he is autistic, just like myself and most of my siblings. Him accepting new people is rare to the extremes. He did so with me. Even letting me help him with his puzzles, which are his treasures. And I will admit that I spent most of my allowance at our local Smyk (children’s store in Poland, Ukraine, and Romania) on puzzles for him. Yeah, I like him a lot. Seeing him happy, makes me happy.
Which is also the one thing that I didn’t I explain yet, the reason for why this all is so stuck in my head. Overcoming the prejudice has given both of us something so meaningful, which wouldn’t have been there if his dad wasn’t one of those exceptions that are able to see beyond origin. It’s understandable for there to be hesistance, but just like there are Ukrainians that support Russia, so are there Russians that support Ukraine. I just can’t help wondering how many others there are like me that have so much to offer but can’t because of all the prejudice.
Personally, I might not feel Russian, but I will always be so due to being born in Russia. It’s something I can’t overcome, even though I wish I could. More than anything, I wish for people to look beyond nationalities, and look at the human that is behind it. And if that human is pro-Russian…
Будь хто, хто підтримує Путіна, схожий на диявола. (I hope I wrote that correctly…)
But give at least diaspora a chance to show their true colors…
