Another video which was done by my dad but never shared publicly. It used to be a page on this blog only, which was shared through social media. As he explained, he was scared for the backlash due to the subject. However, I think it’s important to speak up about all problems society faces. We need to all understand that having mental struggles is normal and asking for help is perfectly fine. There’s always someone able to help you. Never give up if people look down upon you. You’re great the way you are.

Unlike the previous release, which was shared in only 720p, this share is in full 4K.


Note: The lyrics below differ from sources like Genius. This is due to them using a British English variant of the lyrics, regardless of the singer being American. I can’t explain why they did this. It makes no sense, to be honest.
Edit 29th of May 2022: A mistake has been fixed in the lyrics below. This mistake remains in the subtitled music video.

Official lyrics:
Yeah, feels like I’m losing myself
Feels like I’m losing myself
Why am I dooming myself?
What the *** did I do to myself?
I should’ve been true to myself
Dumb to think you would’ve helped
Dumb to think you would’ve helped
Feels like I’m brewing in H**l
Feels like I’m brewing in H**l
Can’t be hard for you to tell

I’m stuck in a slump and I keep climbing up
I just turned 25, feels like my time is up
Feels like everyone’s sus and it’s harder to trust
And I can’t shake the gut feeling of feeling like there’s a knife in my gut
And that’s a gut feeling when you know deep down
That the real person you love is doing you, that’s why I left
Don’t get upset when you see me,
‘Cause I didn’t wanna give you up
And it’s ***ed, to think for you I wasn’t enough
I just wanted your love, but you wanted his touch
There’s some nights I wanna go out and get hella drunk,
So everything I was feeling could turn into a numb.
Addicted to you, you’re my favorite drug
I buy your lies, you’re my favorite plug
Sometimes at night I would stare up above
And wish under a star that I wasn’t so dumb
Why does it even matter? S**t, I didn’t matter
I built up my hope just for it to get shattered
I’m always alone with the thoughts that I gather
I flip through my thoughts, it’s a terrible pattern
As if flipping through them will lead me to answers
I try to move forward, but keep going backwards
I hide all my pain behind smiles and laughter,
Where no one knows that I’m a wild disaster.

I’ve given my all.
Oh, I wanna walk away
I’m living like a ghost,
and no one ever knows
See me fall
Oh, I knew that I would break
I’m living like a ghost
but no one ever knows


I’m always alone, I wish someone could see me
I lay in my bed staring up at the ceiling
Talking to myself, until I’m overthinking
I’m home all alone, no one knows that I’m weeping
I swear my whole life is so ***ing deceiving
And I stand for broke with the checks I’m receiving
My money can’t buy the family I’m needing
My money can’t heal the agony I’m feeling
I need someone to love me, someone to hug me,
Someone to be there when my mind gets ugly
I swear they really think my life is stunning
Bro, I come home to absolutely nothing
I’m just a lonely guy loaded with money
Nobody told me my days won’t be sunny
I’m bleeding on people who didn’t cut me
So, when they leave me, they leave me because they’re b****y
I have issues with women, I’m so codependent
I can’t love myself, so I need her to give it
And that’s always where my self-worth is depicted
And that’s why I date women so narcissistic
My mind is a mess and it’s always conflicted
And lately it’s been hard to make a decision
And it pains me that I finally admit it
I’ve been suicidal and trying not to end it

Oh, I wanna walk away
I’m living like a ghost,
and no one ever knows
See me fall
Oh, I knew that I would break
I’m living like a ghost
but no one ever knows


I’m saddened to think people think that I’m reaching
And that is the reason I feel what I’m feeling
I may have some fame, but it’s pain that I’m reaping
I been praying to God asking Him for a healing
Man, I need my mom, I need my dad
I need the family we never had
Our family is broken, I’m feeling hopeless
Nobody noticed I’m in a trance
All I have is my daughter, I stare in her eyes,
And I break down – all I do is provide
How can I give her a family life, when it’s just me and her every night?
Yo, this s**t is too much
I’m single-handedly k*****g my buzz
I don’t make music because I’m in a rut
And all of the stress of it is making me numb
Why do I dream of a Grammy I’m winning
When I don’t have family to celebrate with me?
Look, there is no bullshit excuse you could give me
To make me feel like my d**n life is worth living
I swear loneliness is a cancer within me
I’m searching for friends because my family is missing
This s**t is exhausting, I’m thinking of quitting
And maybe the end for me is a new beginning

Oh, I wanna walk away
I’m living like a ghost,
and no one ever knows
See me fall
Oh, I knew that I would break
I’m living like a ghost
but no one ever knows