Today everyone just assumes they know, even though in reality we are more often unaware of what’s actually going on than we are aware.
1 word is enough and facts won’t even matter anymore. Somehow people just know, even though they don’t truly do.
It leads to us not daring to speak, we struggle in silence, until we break and do what’s forbidden. Another life over, another life gone. Possibly a headline for a few days, and gone after, forgotten forevermore.


Lyrics (as provided by artist)

After I shot myself, I was conscience. I couldn’t see. I heard everything. I heard my boyfriend screaming. So I remember feeling around. the recoil of the weapon was so powerful it took me from being on my hands and knees on the floor, to sitting on the bed, it threw me on the bed. And I remember the first thing I thought was, oh my god, I did it, I did it. I can’t believe, I did it.

I’m so tired of falling
If this Tylenol could numb the pain or extra strength but a firearm would
I got a friend who survived the shot
Suicide, humans die, say goodbye then say hi to God
She said a prayer ‘fore she pulled the trigger:
“Lord if it be your will, I apologize so please forgive me”
Then the hammer clicked
The devil and his demons laugh entertainment like they’re staring through a camera lens
She’s on the doctor’s table operating
She said that’s when she left the body
Nurses screaming like they lost a patient
And she woke up in hell so goes the tale
That it was hotter than the barrel of the gun she shot her face with
And to make things even worse
She can hear herself falling while they calling out a name that wasn’t even hers
And she’s like dang I’m dying
And no one even knows my name
What a shame that I am
Like an insane asylum the way they tie me to this bed and stich my face together
My names a waste of letters
Colder than the late December
That’s when she heard God say: “I did not forget you, I know your name and I would twice hang on that cross to get you. And the scars on your face I’ma leave you with are there to remind you that from this day it’s for me you live.”
And her story is so bittersweet
Cause I know if God can deliver her
Than surely he’ll deliver me

I’m sitting in my room and I wonder what it is that you see when you look at me
Is this how it is? I don’t wanna pretend like I’m something that I’ll never be
Lord pick me up cause I don’t wanna to fall again
And save me, save me, from this prison in my head

So there’s no one else to blame or point the fingers at
If life’s a sad sad song than where the singers at?
Love just flies away
I guess that’s why these artists always seems to draw the red heart with the wings attached
Life is short time is borrowed like the tweaker who just never brought my speakers back
Mr. Deacon, please don’t put me where the preacher sat
Cause I don’t own a suit, and just might stain your carpet
Cause lately to be honest
All this dirt I’ve been walkin’ in has turned my sneakers black
My wife’s the best of me
And I’m the weaker half
If life’s a recipe
I’m sick of eating that
Become the death of me
This pure ecstasy so let it be
Put that on everything that Jesus has
But thou shall not swear
So my words are locked there
In a freezer bag
They just melt away
Talk is cheap
Can’t afford to pay if there is hell to pay
So I’m feeling kind of nervous
And my stomachs turning
At the dinner table like I’m hoping someone else can pray
All my selfish ways
I’ve been caught red handed
Like the kid who stuck his hands in the velvet cake

Yeah, kids look up to me
It’s like they think I’m perfect
See I’m drowning barely breathing trying to reach the surface
They say my songs speak to ’em like I’m preaching sermons
And the pastor at his church sounds like he’s speaking German
But I just wonder if he knows
That I got problems of my own
And I’m following this road
But I ain’t perfect neither
That’s why I need God
His grace keeps me from flippin’ out at my wife
And packing my bags at night to leave her
And trust me I done thought about it
And not one homey was around that I could call on like “Dog, I’m drowning.”
They just left me drinking oceans
Trying to swallow mountains
Walking the tightrope during an earthquake I’m all off balance
But I’m convinced that he was there when no one else was
Satan gives the evil stare but Romans 1 says I am not ashamed
And I am not ashamed
So even when it’s all over I still overcome

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According to the World Health Organisation (WHO), approximately 800 thousand people die from suicide each year. That’s one death every 40 seconds. And here in Ukraine, we are among the top 25 countries with the highest suicide rates around the world. The far majority are young persons, the so-called digital generation. Our so-called power is actually our greatest downfall.
You would expect that adults would care, but the opposite is often true. While reaching out to the leading social media platforms, they confirm that bullying is common, especially actually in countries where the WHO confirms high suicide rates. And worst of all, adults are known to target and bully young persons, hiding behind fake names, fake profiles, trolling, taking lives in the process. It should be a form of murder, but officially it’s still not. Even though the internet is all but new, the justice system is often unable to act, as governments are not taking the just action of putting better laws in place.

And it’s not like it’s an actual secret. Most recent songs I know are about mental health issues, and even beyond that, mostly about drugs, bullying, and suicide.
The American rap artist NF (Nathan John Feuerstein) is among the leading artists in the USA right now, known for rapping about mental health issues, including about suicide. And yet, the USA is also among the countries where bullying is common. But let’s be real here, what do we even expect when world leaders bully?
Examples, that’s what the leaders of our societies should be, but they are not examples of how we should be, the exact opposite. You don’t need to have the same political vision to confirm this. Well, unless you have truly taped your eyes shut and plugged your ears…


Lyrics

How could you leave so unexpected?
We waited, we waited for you, but you just left us.
We needed you, I needed you.

Yo, I don’t know what it’s like to be addicted to pills,
But I do know what it’s like to be a witness, it kills.
Mama told me she loved me, I’m thinkin’, this isn’t real.
I think of you when I get a whiff of that cigarette smell, yeah.
Welcome to the bottom of hell.
They say pain is a prison, let me out of my cell.
You say you proud of me, but you don’t know me that well.
Sit in my room, tears runnin’ down my face and I yell into my pillowcases, say you comin’ to get us
Then call a minute later just to tell us you’re not, I’m humiliated
I’m in a room with a parent that I don’t barely know
Some lady in the corner watchin’ us while she’s takin’ notes
I don’t get it, Mom, don’t you want to watch your babies grow?
I guess pills are more important, all you have to say is “no”
But you won’t do it, will you? You gon’ keep poppin’ ’til them pills kill you
I know you’re gone, but I can still feel you

Why would you leave us? Why would you leave us?
How could you leave us here?
How could you leave us? Why would you leave us? Oh
Hey

I got this picture in my room and it kills me
But I don’t need a picture of my mom, I need the real thing
Now a relationship is somethin’ we won’t ever have
But why do I feel like I lost somethin’ that I never had?
You shoulda been there when I graduated
Told me you loved me and congratulations
Instead you left us at the window waitin’
Where you at mom?
We’re too young to understand, where you at, huh?
Yeah, I know them drugs have got you held captive
I can see it in your eyes, they got your mind captured
Some say it’s fun to get the high, but I am not laughin’
And what you don’t realize and what you’re not graspin’
That I was nothin’ but a kid who couldn’t understand it
I ain’t gon’ say that I forgive you ’cause it hasn’t happened
I thought that maybe I’d feel better as time passes
If you really cared for me, then where you at then?

Why would you leave us? Why would you leave us?
How could you leave us here?
How could you leave us? Why would you leave us? Oh
Hey

Our last conversation, you and I sat in the livin’ room
Talkin’ ’bout my music and I brought you some to listen to
You started cryin’, tellin’ me this isn’t you
A couple weeks later, guess you were singin’ a different tune
You took them pills for the last time, didn’t you?
They took you from us once, I guess they came back to finish you
Cryin’ my eyes out in the studio is difficult
Music is the only place that I can go to speak to you
It took everything inside of me, not to scream at your funeral
Sittin’ in my chair, that person talkin’ was pitiful
I wish you were here, mama, but every time I picture you
All I feel is pain, I hate the way I remember you
They found you on the floor, I could tell you felt hollow
Gave everything you had, plus your life to them pill bottles
You gave everything you had, plus your life to them pill bottles
Don’t know if you hear me or not, but if you’re still watchin’, why?

Why would you leave us? Why would you leave us?
How could you leave us here?
How could you leave us? Why would you leave us? Oh
Hey

Sometimes I think about like…
Sometimes I think about things like, you know
When I’d have kids, I’m like…
You won’t be there, you know?
You won’t be there for any of that
And I’ll never get to see you again
Sometimes I wish I would’ve just called you
I wish I would have just picked up the phone
Wish you were here
I mean you should’ve been there for us
You should have been here!
Them pills got you, right?!
Them pills got you, right?!
I wish you were here

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It’s the actual reason why I eventually left the Twitter social media platform behind me, the fact the true faces of society show clearly there. Bullying left and right, without anyone taking control to end it. And we all could wait for Twitter to do something, but we’re just as responsible as them. When some anti-bullying songs reach over 500 million views, when there is so much outrage when another life is lost to suicide, when we can all move to the streets to protest against leaderships, how can it be that so little people truly oppose bullying, suicide, and take the first steps forward and become our new leaders?
The answer is simple, as there are more people bullying than those who factually oppose it. Even many who claim to be against bullying still bully the bullies, literally by that becoming what they despise. If they would only realize…

I come from a bad childhood, but even I wasn’t prepared. Today’s society is like a black hole, sucking all good emotions into it and leaving only the bad and sad. I still remember when the happiness got sucked out of me, and how my online activity became dark. You can see it here on my blog, on The Calmth, on Twitter, on Facebook, and basically everywhere, except for my personal life. Even the latest song I intended to share is dark, actually about the subject of suicide. I only stopped myself just in time…

The reason why I disconnected 1

It’s exactly why I said to myself that enough is enough. When I started on the internet back in 2014, it all was new to me, and it was bewildering.
However, that experience eventually fades, and slowly you will become aware of what the internet is truly like.
In a simple way of explaining, it’s the exact same as regular society, just with the ability to hide behind a shroud. Like a shadow, hiding in the dark. Everything or nothing could be either real or fake, we don’t even know, and most people don’t truly care. That which you couldn’t do in public in regular life, you often can do in your digital life. As that’s the greatest of all advantages and problems with the internet, the separation between real and digital. The only thing that’s real for sure is the joy and hurt acts and words can cause. And whether we like to confirm it or not, it’s more often used to hurt than anything else…

That’s why I eventually disconnected from most parts of the internet. When you aren’t there, you can’t be hurt by it.
Besides, it’s also an easy way to disconnect from society all together. After all, most people are online pretty much constantly. And I can’t deny that not having the pressure of society is really calming.

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