As friends of my dad could have read on his Facebook, we have moved to different license agreements. This is true. But what he didn’t tell all of you is that this is before he is planning to fully abandon this blog and give all of it to me, which I don’t actually want.
When my dad started this blog 7 years ago, things were very different. He still enjoyed life, writing, and subtitling. But as the years have come and gone, this has changed.
I was adopted by him 5 years ago and there was happiness in his eyes then. But today there is sadness. The invasion and full-scale war Russia has caused is a clear instigator of this. He’s depressed. And while he does have support with this, it is clear to our whole family that every moment he’s online, he falls further into his depression. The last blog post he shared should factually be seen as a goodbye message of him.
For a long time, he has been trying to keep up appearances with the support of my siblings, our mom, this blog’s webmaster, and myself. For months it has been me using his account to retweet ChildAid on Twitter, as I do actually care for this charity as well. But this has hidden what truly has been going on here.
It’s like there’s so much gratitude shared to the people here in Poland that opened our doors to the Ukrainian refugees. It’s what our family did as well. But not many speak about the troubles this has caused for us, which are especially there financially. The war has taken so long that even with the support we’re getting from our government, it’s hard for my parents to make ends meet. And so can be heard of more and more Polish people, especially families, who are homing Ukrainian refugees. We love Ukrainians, and we wish to support them, but the question has become how long it is truly achievable in the current state of things. It’s more worrisome than many people are aware of right now.
And it’s worse for my dad as he still has family remaining in Ukraine, like his own dad. I can’t deny not knowing how he feels. All I know is that I don’t want to see him ending up like my younger Ukrainian brother after he lost his biological dad in Ukraine. He is still grieving at this moment and it makes me tear up having to write this. I was born in Russia but I have become so hateful of this country and most of its people. They are aware of the truth but choose to do nothing. It’s even what I see among my friends in Russia, including the adult ones. Going as far as verbally attacking me while saying they should stand up against their government and army. All cowards. Just like the Russian soldiers in Ukraine. Brave people would have stood up and not been part of the gen-cide Russia is committing in Ukraine.
Every moment of the day, my dad thinks of what’s happening in Ukraine. It’s so very clear, regardless of him trying to hide it. He’s a good father. But he’s not great at hiding his true feelings. They shimmer through in his responses at times. But even more so in his facial expressions and clear lack of concentration. This is why I don’t believe in what my dad shared on Facebook, him subtitling more often from now on. The amount of already finished subtitled music videos that he never shared is staggering.
But while looking at those which he’s still busy at, the amount is also surprisingly large. And the subject of all of them is the same. Ukraine and anti-war. And the reason why he is unable to finish them is easy to name. The emotions keep getting too much for him. I have seen my dad recently cry so often that I truly feel incredibly sorry for him.
All in all, I think it’s best to prepare for the end of this blog. I do hope my dad finds the strength and courage to return to writing and subtitling. But as his son, I feel you all should know that I really doubt this will truly happen. Even while not being in Ukraine, the war did break him. Also for facts that some will know, but I don’t believe are up to me to say here.
For now, I would ask respect for my dad’s situation and don’t expect him to respond through any online means for the time being. Our family needs to create some distance from the ongoing war in Ukraine, as it’s simply damaging my dad and 2 of my siblings while hearing what is going on. The horrors caused by Russia have no excuse. But so doesn’t the way how the world watches, looks, and lets Ukraine go down in fear. Physical, emotional, and psychological damage is only becoming worse and worse each day that passes by…